My toddler does not want to participate in “work.” He doesn’t want to pick up his toys, not even together; he only wants us to play with him. I often refuse because I am busy, and tell him we can do something together if he would like to help clean up. He always refuses and goes off to do his own thing. It’s frustrating for me since his own thing usually entails more mess. Anyone have practical words of wisdom for me?
Beautifully written. I appreciate what you have shared - something so very important. Our children should not be pushed into 'schooling' but gathered up in our arms and alongside us to learn. I have always worked with my children at my side, doing my best to involve them in the task at hand. And YES this is a test for patience! As a homeschooling mama, I never pushed school on my children until they were ready (far later than we are told) and have always focused on growing them to be capable human beings with life skills, discipline, accountability, a tender heart, perseverance, and the ability to learn and follow their passions. And, yes, there is some book work thrown in there too. :)
Thank you for sharing this. I come from a family where there are plenty of relatives to help out if you feel overwhelmed. I live in another country now far away from my family and I have a mental breakdown almost everyday taking care of my 9 month old baby while my husband is away at work. Even getting out of the house is such a hard thing to do amidst the incessant crying. I feel like I'm going to go crazy.
What an encouraging article, thank you! I’m a SAHM to a 1.5 year old and between the few other moms I know and the onslaught of social media, it’s hard to feel like my “boring” days home are actually worth it. Comments from family and friends about how he should start socializing with other kids soon (he really is too young for that to matter! all independent play right now) or when to start teaching him things, it’s all just a LOT.
Just a broader speculation- have there been any studies following the mothers of daycare children? Obviously the studies on children of being forced into regimented environments with busywork and too-early academic work isn’t always helpful, but I’m curious if anyone has looked at long term repercussions of that on how women function as adults and mothers when they miss out on those crucial “reconstructing yourself” days of early motherhood. Perhaps that contributes to the prevalence of depression and anxiety, or feeling unsatisfied in the workplace but trapped because, you know, what else am I even good at (or, all my years of training for a job would go to waste)? Anyway, some good food for thought on this Friday. Thank you!
This is so wonderful, thank you! I’m realising more and more that motherhood is about accepting my role to serve my children and relish in that. There is nothing in life that could make me more selfless and a better human.
I NEEDED THIS!!!! ooooooooooo I am in the the depths of the feral two year old. I know deep in my heart I am lying to myself when I think "I can't provide him what he needs right now".
I am about to go sign up for that ballet class now and convert a room to a paint room. haha Thank you very much.
I stayed home for a few years when my eldest was 2 and her brother was born. I had no idea how to be at home with very young children—my mom was so helpful during those years. What I learned from my mom:
The importance of naps! Naptime at our house was sacred. So was bedtime. Kids will go through a period of “testing” naptime boundaries—maybe they are needing a little less sleep, but letting them drop naps means you’ll be dealing with a sleep-deprived toddler. Insist on the nap—but accept that the duration may end up getting shorter. That’s fine—the critical part is that it start at roughly the same time each day.
Chores—three year olds can do a lot. They can help load/unload the dishwasher. They can help fold laundry—have them pair the socks while you do the big stuff. If you have a front loading machine they can put dirty clothes in the washer and move the laundry to the dryer with your supervision and help. If you get them little brooms they can sweep up after meals. Dusting is another task they can help with. And of course picking up and putting away. Sorting laundry is another activity that you can do together. I know it seems like these chores take FOREVER when you are doing them with a child, but the ROI when you have a competent 10 year old that can run a couple of loads of laundry is soooo worth it. Simple gardening tasks are also fun for kids. Raking leaves, sweeping, even a bit of weeding—teaching them to recognize weed vs. plant. Picking tomatoes and other veggies.
A daily walk—if you are in a place where it’s safe, load everybody up and go outside and see what’s going on in the neighborhood. Noticing plants and birds.
Coloring—It was so relaxing to just sit with the kids and we’d each color for a bit.
I love all this so much. Do you have any tips for a slightly younger child - just about to turn 2. She's somewhat interested in my chores, a bit interested in her toys, but things quickly turn to "just pick me up!" or "put on cartoons!" often. Right now it's the dead of February, it's too cold and slippery to go outside for very long, the TV is on way too much, and things just feel off. I'm sure it'll get more fun when spring arrives, but that's so far away ;_;
When our grandson was about 18 months old, he loved to put the silverware in the basket in the dishwasher—he’d stand there and they’d hand him a spoon or whatever and he’d put it in the utensil holder. It was adorable. He’d also help unload by handing whatever was in the bottom rack and was manageable for him (bowls, small plates, utensils, water bottles, etc.) to an adult to put away.
Maybe hand the child a dust rag and show her how to dust furniture she can reach? Coffee/side tables, the rungs of chairs. And of course picking up her toys?
She likes helping with the dishwasher silverware. That was one of the very first "chores" that actually worked. She carries the forks et al to the drawer and tosses them in blindly, since it's above her head. Textbook example of toddler "helping" - it's very cute. She's capable of taking an object from point A to B, wiping up spills, taking the dust pan to the garbage... now that I think about it, she can actually do a lot and we're probably doing just fine. I just have a bit of February blues, and so because she can't sort laundry whatsoever, I felt behind lol.
This is exactly what I’m trying to work on and learn about - how to ‘live’ without the structure of school/work to guide me without feeling like I’m not doing anything/accomplishing enough. Which of You are your child’s first teacher and Seven times the Sun would you recommend reading first? I have a nine month old.
Seeing this post couldn’t have come at a better time. I’ve been trying to decide what to do with our days. I have an almost 3 and 1 year old and with school looming over me for the oldest I was starting to think I need to break out into full kindergarten school teacher mode and probably would have been like the mom searching for a homeschool curriculum for a 3 year old which is just absurd. So much talk of needing to excel and prepare for school or give them opportunities to socialise and learn in daycare still gets to me sometimes and I worry I’m not doing enough. But this is reassuring that just being home and doing leisurely activities is enough. Helping out with the house and playing is enough. Just being with each other is enough.
I had this exact experience just this month. Daughter is three, we are planning on homeschooling, but for some reason I felt the pull to go to a semi-public playgroup. Wowzers, the behaviors and sicknesses she could pick up in that place are not for us. But while we are home she distracts me oh-so much! I need to involve her more directly and offer her specific alternative activities. It doesn’t have to be overly planned, just something to give her a choice in the matter rather than whining or tearing the house apart. I’m thankful for our one play date we have, but the play group is way too much.
I could not agree with this more, Emily! Thank you for sharing! In fact, Charlotte Mason (educator and philosopher) doesn't recommend formal lessons until the age of six! What I have found is that some face a lot of pressure to "get your kids in the right schools," make sure we as mothers are "setting them up for success." I think that things are changing, and that there is a growing movement that is focusing more on the well- being of the child and redefining what "success" for our children really means, which is wonderful! Finding our roles as mothers in that can be daunting because it very much goes against what has been the established norm for quite some time! I found great information in the book "Hold Onto Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers" by Neufold and Mate. I highly recommend anyone else interested in this to check it out!
My toddler does not want to participate in “work.” He doesn’t want to pick up his toys, not even together; he only wants us to play with him. I often refuse because I am busy, and tell him we can do something together if he would like to help clean up. He always refuses and goes off to do his own thing. It’s frustrating for me since his own thing usually entails more mess. Anyone have practical words of wisdom for me?
Beautifully written. I appreciate what you have shared - something so very important. Our children should not be pushed into 'schooling' but gathered up in our arms and alongside us to learn. I have always worked with my children at my side, doing my best to involve them in the task at hand. And YES this is a test for patience! As a homeschooling mama, I never pushed school on my children until they were ready (far later than we are told) and have always focused on growing them to be capable human beings with life skills, discipline, accountability, a tender heart, perseverance, and the ability to learn and follow their passions. And, yes, there is some book work thrown in there too. :)
I cannot stop thinking about this post - thank you so very much! It is so well articulated!
Thank you for sharing this. I come from a family where there are plenty of relatives to help out if you feel overwhelmed. I live in another country now far away from my family and I have a mental breakdown almost everyday taking care of my 9 month old baby while my husband is away at work. Even getting out of the house is such a hard thing to do amidst the incessant crying. I feel like I'm going to go crazy.
Ah! I love this. I feel so blessed to have discovered the treasure of Seven Times the Sun early on in motherhood.
What an encouraging article, thank you! I’m a SAHM to a 1.5 year old and between the few other moms I know and the onslaught of social media, it’s hard to feel like my “boring” days home are actually worth it. Comments from family and friends about how he should start socializing with other kids soon (he really is too young for that to matter! all independent play right now) or when to start teaching him things, it’s all just a LOT.
Just a broader speculation- have there been any studies following the mothers of daycare children? Obviously the studies on children of being forced into regimented environments with busywork and too-early academic work isn’t always helpful, but I’m curious if anyone has looked at long term repercussions of that on how women function as adults and mothers when they miss out on those crucial “reconstructing yourself” days of early motherhood. Perhaps that contributes to the prevalence of depression and anxiety, or feeling unsatisfied in the workplace but trapped because, you know, what else am I even good at (or, all my years of training for a job would go to waste)? Anyway, some good food for thought on this Friday. Thank you!
This is so wonderful, thank you! I’m realising more and more that motherhood is about accepting my role to serve my children and relish in that. There is nothing in life that could make me more selfless and a better human.
I NEEDED THIS!!!! ooooooooooo I am in the the depths of the feral two year old. I know deep in my heart I am lying to myself when I think "I can't provide him what he needs right now".
I am about to go sign up for that ballet class now and convert a room to a paint room. haha Thank you very much.
I stayed home for a few years when my eldest was 2 and her brother was born. I had no idea how to be at home with very young children—my mom was so helpful during those years. What I learned from my mom:
The importance of naps! Naptime at our house was sacred. So was bedtime. Kids will go through a period of “testing” naptime boundaries—maybe they are needing a little less sleep, but letting them drop naps means you’ll be dealing with a sleep-deprived toddler. Insist on the nap—but accept that the duration may end up getting shorter. That’s fine—the critical part is that it start at roughly the same time each day.
Chores—three year olds can do a lot. They can help load/unload the dishwasher. They can help fold laundry—have them pair the socks while you do the big stuff. If you have a front loading machine they can put dirty clothes in the washer and move the laundry to the dryer with your supervision and help. If you get them little brooms they can sweep up after meals. Dusting is another task they can help with. And of course picking up and putting away. Sorting laundry is another activity that you can do together. I know it seems like these chores take FOREVER when you are doing them with a child, but the ROI when you have a competent 10 year old that can run a couple of loads of laundry is soooo worth it. Simple gardening tasks are also fun for kids. Raking leaves, sweeping, even a bit of weeding—teaching them to recognize weed vs. plant. Picking tomatoes and other veggies.
A daily walk—if you are in a place where it’s safe, load everybody up and go outside and see what’s going on in the neighborhood. Noticing plants and birds.
Coloring—It was so relaxing to just sit with the kids and we’d each color for a bit.
I love all this so much. Do you have any tips for a slightly younger child - just about to turn 2. She's somewhat interested in my chores, a bit interested in her toys, but things quickly turn to "just pick me up!" or "put on cartoons!" often. Right now it's the dead of February, it's too cold and slippery to go outside for very long, the TV is on way too much, and things just feel off. I'm sure it'll get more fun when spring arrives, but that's so far away ;_;
When our grandson was about 18 months old, he loved to put the silverware in the basket in the dishwasher—he’d stand there and they’d hand him a spoon or whatever and he’d put it in the utensil holder. It was adorable. He’d also help unload by handing whatever was in the bottom rack and was manageable for him (bowls, small plates, utensils, water bottles, etc.) to an adult to put away.
Maybe hand the child a dust rag and show her how to dust furniture she can reach? Coffee/side tables, the rungs of chairs. And of course picking up her toys?
She likes helping with the dishwasher silverware. That was one of the very first "chores" that actually worked. She carries the forks et al to the drawer and tosses them in blindly, since it's above her head. Textbook example of toddler "helping" - it's very cute. She's capable of taking an object from point A to B, wiping up spills, taking the dust pan to the garbage... now that I think about it, she can actually do a lot and we're probably doing just fine. I just have a bit of February blues, and so because she can't sort laundry whatsoever, I felt behind lol.
Could you work with her on matching socks? That will kill a huge part of the day!
This is awesome! Felt that pinch of anxiety a few times with me three year old before—I can relate.
This is exactly what I’m trying to work on and learn about - how to ‘live’ without the structure of school/work to guide me without feeling like I’m not doing anything/accomplishing enough. Which of You are your child’s first teacher and Seven times the Sun would you recommend reading first? I have a nine month old.
Seeing this post couldn’t have come at a better time. I’ve been trying to decide what to do with our days. I have an almost 3 and 1 year old and with school looming over me for the oldest I was starting to think I need to break out into full kindergarten school teacher mode and probably would have been like the mom searching for a homeschool curriculum for a 3 year old which is just absurd. So much talk of needing to excel and prepare for school or give them opportunities to socialise and learn in daycare still gets to me sometimes and I worry I’m not doing enough. But this is reassuring that just being home and doing leisurely activities is enough. Helping out with the house and playing is enough. Just being with each other is enough.
I had this exact experience just this month. Daughter is three, we are planning on homeschooling, but for some reason I felt the pull to go to a semi-public playgroup. Wowzers, the behaviors and sicknesses she could pick up in that place are not for us. But while we are home she distracts me oh-so much! I need to involve her more directly and offer her specific alternative activities. It doesn’t have to be overly planned, just something to give her a choice in the matter rather than whining or tearing the house apart. I’m thankful for our one play date we have, but the play group is way too much.
I could not agree with this more, Emily! Thank you for sharing! In fact, Charlotte Mason (educator and philosopher) doesn't recommend formal lessons until the age of six! What I have found is that some face a lot of pressure to "get your kids in the right schools," make sure we as mothers are "setting them up for success." I think that things are changing, and that there is a growing movement that is focusing more on the well- being of the child and redefining what "success" for our children really means, which is wonderful! Finding our roles as mothers in that can be daunting because it very much goes against what has been the established norm for quite some time! I found great information in the book "Hold Onto Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers" by Neufold and Mate. I highly recommend anyone else interested in this to check it out!
Nary a societal imposed plan! It's strange how we cling to those
This was really a very wonderful read and I will check out those recommendations. Becoming a mother really does hold up a mirror.